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Uncollected | Nnaemeka I. Nnam

I grew up looking down

At my feet

Afraid of my eyes

And the truths that shine in them.

_

Call me a stranger

Call me blood and bone

It doesn’t matter

You killed me either way.

_

I tell people I rose in love with you

Because I never remember falling 

But it’s all a lie.

_

Your love is not soft

It’s hard and it digs at me

All night long.

_

My father worries about my children

Will they be like you too?

He says

Maybe

I say

It’s a shame

He says, then he spits on the earth.

_

My mother prays for me

It’s the devil, cast it out!

She says

Out!

I scream

Then I throw myself everywhere.

_

I fear many things

But death is not one of them

Even when people snap their fingers

I still love death

That’s why I smiled

The day

Mother said

You are dead to me.

_

If people loved you

They would wear dresses

And dance at your grave

And I will watch and dance too

We will rejoice as one of us

Has again, conquered life.

_

If I should give you

A reason

It would be a lie

Things work

Then they don’t

What we choose to do afterwards

Doesn’t change anything.

_

I see all the places

I want to go tomorrow

But even today

I have not arrived

Why?

_

If I drank coffee

And wore glasses

And had an accent

You will believe my every untrue

But even now

You still believe

That’s why I push you

Away

Then  I take you back

Just to do it

Again

Over

And

Over.

_

At dawn

I wear my skin

And brace for the day

People smile at me

I smile back

But all they ever see

Is not me

Can never be me

It is only in the dark

That I come out

I dance to the tune of my soul

All night

Then at dawn again

I wear my skin.

_

In my life

There are no lowest times

There are just times that are low

Always.

_

Don’t give men anything

They never return it

And they never stop taking!

But I never listened to you

I gave men everything

They left me so empty

That I float across galaxies.

_

From when I was ten

I have always regretted

One thing

And even now that I’m old

I still hate life

And women and God.

_

You pinned me

To the wall

And ate me

Then spat me out

And asked if I enjoyed it.

_

Even with my weak legs

And my confusion

You still laughed at me

Now

When people laugh

I see you everywhere.

_

I have killed many

Things

But my feelings for you

Refuse to die

_

What I have learned

From my sadness

Be happy and die

Everything joy is enemy

Fight it!

_

I laugh when I see you

Play with my emotions

You don’t know about

All the hells inside of

Me

Once I stop caring.

_

Men broke me in big ways

But you see God

He broke me in all the little ways

And when he was done

He tossed me aside

And said

Walk, my child.


 

Photo by Kelly Sikkema on Unsplash

Published inPoetry&Musings

4 Comments

  1. Ly Ly

    Wow wow woww
    I love this😭😭😭😭
    I want to give you a hug

    • Nnaemeka Nnam Nnaemeka Nnam

      OMG I do need a hug. I’ll settle for a virtual one.
      Thanks for reading, I really appreciate.

  2. Okoasia Victor Okoasia Victor

    God!!!! I love this. This is so nice. Your use of paradox too is crazy!
    Keep it up man

    • Nnaemeka Nnam Nnaemeka Nnam

      Thank you Victor. This means a lot.

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